Soiled by Design: The Abusive Logic of God's Plan

In his April 2020 General Conference talk "The Great Plan," Dallin H. Oaks writes: "In the planned mortal life, we would be soiled by sin as we faced the opposition necessary for our spiritual growth."

I've read that sentence a dozen times now, and each time my disgust deepens.

Not "we might sin." Not "we would make mistakes." Not even "we would fall short."

We would be soiled.

The Language of Contamination

"Soiled" isn't neutral language. It's the word you use for a piece of cloth that's been dirtied. For something that's been contaminated. Stained. Ruined.

It triggers disgust: the visceral response we have to things that are impure, unclean, polluted. To bodily fluids and waste and decay. There is even a stench that might easily be imagined.

And Oaks applies this word to you. To normal human experience. To the inevitable result of living the life God designed you to live.

You didn't just make errors in judgment. You became soiled. You became the thing that triggers revulsion.

And this soiling isn't presented as a risk or a possibility. It's presented as certainty: "we would be soiled." Inevitable. Guaranteed. Part of the plan.

Creating the Problem to Sell the Solution

Let's map out what Oaks is actually saying:

1. God created you pure
2. God designed a test where becoming "soiled" was guaranteed
3. God sent you into that test knowing you would be soiled
4. God then judges you for being soiled
5. God offers to clean you (through the Atonement) from the soiling He knew would happen when He designed the test

This is creating the problem so He can sell the solution.

But it gets worse. Later in the same talk, Oaks writes: "To achieve this joyful destiny, eternal laws require that we must become purified beings through the Atonement of Jesus Christ so we can dwell in the presence of the Father and the Son and enjoy the blessings of exaltation." - emphasis added

Let me put these two statements together:

Step 1: "We would be soiled by sin" (inevitable contamination)

Step 2: "We must become purified beings through the Atonement" (mandatory cleansing process)

Step 3: This is our "joyful destiny"

Read that again. The "joyful destiny" is:

• Being deliberately soiled
• Wallowing in shame about being soiled
• Spending your life trying to get clean
• Achieving purification so you can return to the being who created the plan in the first place

This entire cycle through contamination, shame, cleansing, and return is presented as joy.

It's not joyful. It's sadistic.

The Sanctification Scam

"Sanctification" sounds noble. Spiritual. Like becoming something greater than you were.

But in this framework, sanctification means something very specific: becoming acceptable to a being who made you unacceptable by design.

You didn't choose to be soiled. God sent you into the soiling. The contamination was part of His plan, "the planned mortal life, we would be soiled."

But now you have to spend decades groveling for purification from contamination He orchestrated.

That's not sanctification. That's Stockholm syndrome.

God creates you pure, sends you to get dirty, watches you struggle with the dirt, offers to clean you (but only through very specific rituals and complete obedience). And then, if you've cleaned yourself properly according to His exact specifications, allows you back into His presence.

And we're supposed to be grateful for this arrangement?

What This "Joyful Destiny" Actually Requires

Let's take another look at what this path looks like in practice:

Turmoil: Constant anxiety about whether you're clean enough, worthy enough, doing enough. The endless cycle of sin-repent-sin-repent with no lasting relief. Always wondering if this time the repentance took, or if you're still contaminated. It isn't hard for one in the framework of the church to fall victim to scrupulosity and many do.

Shame: The self-disgust that comes from seeing yourself as soiled. The internalized revulsion. The belief that you're fundamentally contaminated and only God's grace keeps you from being utterly worthless. Looking in the mirror and seeing something dirty. The church frames you as unworthy, not in part, but in whole. You're not a whole person doing wrong things, you're fundamentally broken. You're an enemy of god because you are a "natural man."

Regret: Looking back at normal human experiences such as sexuality, doubt, questions, or human mistakes and seeing them not as part of being human but as evidence of your soiling. Proof you weren't strong enough to stay clean. Confirmation that you are, at your core, the contaminated thing you were destined to become.

This wallowing isn't a detour on the path to the "joyful destiny." It is the path.

The decades-long struggle with shame and unworthiness isn't an unfortunate side effect of the plan. It's the required process. It's what sanctification looks like when you start from the premise that you're soiled.

How is that joyful?

The Abusive Parent Analogy

Let me reframe this in terms we can all understand.

Imagine a parent who:

1. Sends their child to play in toxic waste
2. Tells the child this contamination is necessary for their growth
3. Watches the child become sick from the contamination
4. Offers medicine. But only if the child follows exact protocols, expresses constant gratitude, and never questions the parent's wisdom
5. Tells the child that one day, after years of being sick and struggling to get clean, they can live with the parent again
6. Calls this entire arrangement "a joyful destiny"

If we saw a human parent do this, we'd call child protective services. We'd recognize it immediately as abuse.

But when God does it? It's "the plan of salvation." It's love. It's the greatest gift we've ever been given.

What "Soiled" Really Means

We know what "soiled" means in Mormon theology. We know which sins this language is particularly reserved for.

It's used most heavily for sexual sin.

The chewed gum. The licked cupcake. The crumpled rose. The soiled cloth. The board with lingering nail marks. All of these are metaphors about purity culture, about virginity, about your body becoming contaminated through sexual experience.

When Oaks says "we would be soiled by sin," he's not talking about being unkind to your neighbor or forgetting to say your prayers. He's talking about the deep, visceral contamination that Mormon culture associates with sexuality.

And he's saying God sent you into a world where this soiling was inevitable.

Where normal sexual development would make you disgusting. Where normal attraction would contaminate you. Where normal human sexuality—the biology God Himself designed into you—would make you soiled.

Think about what that can do to a teenager going through puberty. To a young adult navigating attraction and desire. To anyone with a normal human body experiencing normal human urges.

And don't forget the toll taken on those that find themselves experiencing different forms of attraction. They're put on an even lower tier and told that they are loved though their sin is not. We accept you, but not that part of you.

You're not just experiencing biology. You're becoming contaminated. You're being soiled. And the only way to get clean is through a specific process involving confession, repentance, priesthood authority, and eventual forgiveness. Or, at least, that's what they tell you.

That's not accidental language. That's designed trauma.

The Disgust Response

There's a reason this language triggers such a visceral response in me now.

Disgust is the emotion we feel toward contamination. Toward things that are impure. Toward bodily waste and decay and pollution. It's a protective mechanism that says "this is unclean, keep it away from me."

And for decades, I felt that disgust toward myself.

I looked at my own sexuality and felt contaminated. I looked at my own doubts and felt soiled. I looked at my own humanity: my desires, my questions, my normal biological responses and felt the deep revulsion that comes from believing you're fundamentally unclean.

That wasn't an accident. That was the intention.

The language is designed to make you feel disgusted by yourself. To create such deep shame about normal human experience that you'll spend your life trying to scrub yourself clean.

And all the while, you're told this is love. This is God's plan for your happiness. This is your joyful destiny.

A Loving God Wouldn't

A loving God wouldn't describe you as "soiled."

A loving God wouldn't design a test where becoming contaminated was guaranteed and then judge you for it.

A loving God wouldn't use language specifically crafted to trigger visceral revulsion toward yourself.

A loving God wouldn't send you into inevitable contamination and then offer to clean you. But only through rituals He controls, performed by authorities He appoints, according to standards He can change at will.

A loving God wouldn't call decades of shame, turmoil, and self-disgust a "joyful destiny."

But the Mormon God does all of these things.

Because the Mormon God isn't actually loving. He's controlling.

And shame is the mechanism of control.

The Real Joy

Here's what I've learned: you were never soiled in the first place.

Your sexuality isn't contamination. It's biology. Normal, natural, human biology that evolved over millions of years.

Your doubts aren't rebellion. They're intellectual honesty. The healthy response to claims that don't hold up under scrutiny.

Your mistakes aren't evidence of fundamental contamination. They're how humans learn and grow.

Your humanity isn't something to be purified away. It's what you are. It's all you've ever been. It's all you were ever supposed to be.

You don't need to wallow through turmoil, shame, and regret to achieve some future state of worthiness. You don't need to spend your life trying to scrub away contamination that was installed, not inherent.

You're not soiled. You're not dirty. You're not contaminated. You're not in need of sanctification from a being who deliberately designed you to need it.

You're human. And that was always enough.

The "joyful destiny" Oaks promises requires you to see yourself as disgusting first. To spend decades trying to get clean from dirt that was always just part of being alive.

Actual joy? That comes from rejecting the entire premise.

From recognizing that the shame wasn't yours. It was installed.

From understanding that you don't need purification. You need permission to exist as you actually are.

From realizing that the plan that calls you soiled and then offers to clean you isn't love. It's abuse.

Walking Away from the Mud

I spent decades thinking of myself in a muddy field, believing I was soiled, believing I needed to get clean, believing the contamination was my fault.

I blamed myself for being dirty when God was the one who sent me into the mud.

I felt disgusted by myself for being contaminated when contamination was inevitable by design.

I thought the shame I carried was evidence of my unworthiness when it was actually evidence of a system designed to create that shame.

Now I know better.

The mud was always just mud. Normal human experience. Biology. Growth. Learning. Living.

And I was never soiled. I was just human.

That's the real joyful destiny. Not the one Oaks promises after a lifetime of shame. But the one that comes from walking away from the narrative entirely.

You don't need to be purified.

You don't need to be sanctified.

You don't need to spend your life trying to wash away contamination that was manufactured, not real.

You just need permission to be human.

And I'm giving that to myself. Finally.

If you find yourself on a simlar path, I hope you do too.